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( nathan doesn't know what a 'good one' would even sound like, but then toki informs him, and nathan drops the phone like it's burned him. it just lands on the bed, so it's fine. )

Toki. Stop fucking... ( UGHHH, HE'S GOING TO WALK INTO THE OCEAN!!! HE'S SO EMBARASSED!!! ) Quit saying... the shit... I was saying.

( this is the worst feeling ever, being confronted with the fact that he cares about someone. it makes him crumple inside... and also outside, apparently. he falls back onto the mattress, hands coming up to scrub over his face. )

But I likes the shit you was sayin's!

[But Nathan looks like he's having a bad time right now. Toki looks down at him, frowning thoughtfully. There are, perhaps, a few things he could do to make this better. There are a few things he could do to make this worse.

But he doesn't know which is which, so... he just tries laying down next to him, which is hard on his small bed, but he does his best. It involves a lot of squeezing up against him.]

Ams you mads at me?

( being cuddled up against is nice. it doesn't alleviate the feeling of, ugh, love, but maybe that's a good thing. when he pulls his hands away from his face, he actually looks surprised by toki's question. )

What? No. I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?

...It just feels like my heart's filled with knives, and they're swimming through my bloodstream like sharks. That's all.

( nothing major. )

[Alright, that's a good sign: not being mad at him and not pushing him away. He's doing great so far.]

That's brutal.

[It is, honestly. Maybe they could do a song about the knife blood heart sharks. That'd be pretty cool.]

Sharks ams cool. Maybe it's cool what it feels like sharks and knives?

( toki looks so cheerful even in the face of nathan's tantrum of humiliation. maybe if he just says it now, he'll feel less embarrassed about having said it last night. deep breath. he takes one of toki's hands. )

Toki, I...

...lavender you.

Edited 2024-11-26 04:41 (UTC)

[Toki smiles at Nathan when he grabs his hand, and then... he blinks a few times.]

Uh.

[English still doesn't make sense sometimes. Is this something people say???]

...Ams that goods?

Yeah. I mean, no.

( he was close!! toki, please, understand that he was close. )

I, uh, lo... ludicrous... you.

[Toki doesn't understand a damn thing, but that's okay, because as long as Nathan isn't mad at him and is fine with cuddling and everything, then everything should be pretty okay.]

Didn'ts we goes to that guy's party one times?

Uh, yeah. Probably.

( they party with a lot of people, that's not surprising. )

Listen to my voice. ( look at him, hear him. this is eye-to-eye, heart-to-heart communication. ) I... l... luh...

( no, never mind. he feels bile rising in the back of his throat. being vulnerable clearly doesn't agree with him. )

Gimme your phone.

I'm listenin's!

[He's doing his best, but his English still isn't amazing and he's not entirely sure what Nathan is saying, but he's trying so, so hard.

But give him his phone? Yeah, he can understand that. He remembers Nathan dropped it before laying down, so Toki pulls away juuust enough to grab the phone before he goes back to where he was and hands it over.]

Heres.

( fine, he guesses if he can't say it now, he'll just have to go back to a time when he could say it.

so, cue the voicemails, and don't look at nathan as he plays them: )

Heeeeeey, Toki! Tooookiii. Where— Where are you? Where'd you go? I want you here. 'Cause I like you. I like hanging around you and stuff. Gonna look for you, I guess.

BEEP!

Toki, it's me. It's Nathan. I just wanted to say... that you're my favorite pal. But, shhh. Shhhhhhh! Don't tell the others that. They're gonna get all weird. You know? Weird.

BEEP!

Hey, it's Nathan again. I know I called you my pal, but you're not. Okay? You're not my pal. You're more than that.

BEEP!

Gonna hold my breath forever 'til you show up.

BEEP!

( panting noises, that's it, that's the message. )

BEEP!

Ran outta breath.

BEEP!

I love you, so come over here and pal around with me. I mean that. I mean that, Toki. I love you. I love all of you dumb, trash, racoon dildos.

BEEP!

Woah, I said I love you. What the fuck. Did you hear me? Did you hear me just now??? That was me!

BEEP!

Hey, I know what I said. I said I love ALL of you, but... I mean, I really love you. I just like the other ones. They're okay, I guess.

BEEP!

That was kinda fucked up, what I said. I love them too. They're more than okay.

BEEP!

But I love you for real.

BEEP!

Are you under the

BEEP!

Bed. Not under here. Fuck.

BEEP!

Get here. Make out with me.

BEEP!

( sounds of someone peeing, hopefully into a toilet. )

BEEP!

Hey. Hey. Heeey. Hey. Toki. Hey. H—

BEEP!

Gonna find you... somehow. Somewhere. Gotta be here.

[Toki's not sure what Nathan's gonna do with his phone at first, maybe order pizza or something, but soon enough the familiar voicemails start playing. Ah, maybe he's trying to decide which one Toki's allowed to keep. So he listens, trying to pick out his favorite, but as he listens, he starts putting two and two together.

The stuff he'd been saying kind of sounds like love if you think about it, right?

Maybe he's playing the voicemails to show that he means it?

The messages haven't even finished playing by the time Toki's positioned himself so he's staring into Nathan's eyes, or at least trying to, and he leans in to press his lips against Nathan's.

That's gotta be understanding enough.]

( he doesn't want to be perceived; he wants to disappear into the void forever. but there's toki, clearly perceiving him, looking down at him, meeting his eyes when nathan would rather look into the sun.

god, this is brutal.

kissing is better, somehow. he kisses back, hand coming up to twine in his hair, while his voice continues to play from the phone beside him.

hey. i folded this old receipt into a worm. i found it. i found a receipt, now it's a worm.
when i find you, you should totally 's' my 'd'.
just kidding. unless.
what do you think about marriage and kids and babies and stuff? just asking.
are you in the toilet? is that where you're hiding?
um, hello, police? i need to find toki wartooth. )

[Okay, now that Toki's listening to all of this stuff play out again... he can understand why Nathan wants him to delete it. It's kind of a lot.

But, like, it's cute. He shouldn't have to delete the cute stuff!!

It's fine, though, because if the outcome is that he gets to kiss Nathan, and also he got to hear him say he loves him, then he doesn't need to keep all of that. Even if he wants to. If he has to get rid of it all in the end, it'll all still be worth it.

Eventually, he pulls away, just enough so he can talk.]

Welps... you founds me!

( toki pulls away, and nathan feels as if his face is on fire. )

Yeah.

You can keep the toilet one.

( the least incriminating of the bunch. )

What, the one whats gots you pissin's?

[That's not a very good prize! Instead, Toki's just gonna kiss Nathan's face a bunch. Maybe that'll help with stuff.]

I don'ts gots to keeps any if you keeps pallin's around with me like this.

( nathan does not look any less red. if anything, after every kiss, nathan looks closer to exploding than before. )

Toki, Toki, okay... ( the flow of knives is stronger than it's ever been. )

I'll pal around with you until the fucking end of time if you let me delete them. And never talk about them again.

( Tooooooookiiii, I neeeeeeeed you.
If you're dead, I'll fucking kill you.
more pissing.
Hey. Listen to this. Listen to this cool noise I can make. Ready? Wheeeerppp. Did you hear it? Wheeeeerrrp. )

Ever.

[Hmmmmm... successful experiment. It's kind of funny to see Nathan look this red. He kisses him right on the forehead before laying back into just cuddling with Nathan instead.]

You can deletes 'em. But I'm never gonna forgets what you saids...

[Even if he doesn't mention it! He'll know!]

Huh... that ams a cool noise.

( at least when they're cuddling, toki can't see his face. his dying face. the last face he'll ever make before he dies forever— )

Oh, thank fuck.

( and he immediately reaches for toki's phone to begin deleting, feeling better for it. )

What noise? ( he looks up. ) The wheeerp noise?

[It'd be a damn shame if Nathan was the latest victim to Toki's whole death thing, but for now, when he cuddles him, he still seems to be warm and breathing, so that's okay.

He's just a little bummed out when Nathan goes for his phone, but it's okay, he said it was okay. Toki basically has the memory of Nathan saying all that mushy shit burned into his brain, so he'll live.]

Yeah! It was really goods!

[It was, in fact, a very good noise.]

Yeah?

( he pauses his act of mass deletion. )

Hey... Hey, Toki.

[Toki perks up a little, tilting his head.]

Yeah? Whats, Nathans?

Wheeeeerrp.

( let's hope no one thought he might actually have something important to say— )

[Toki can't even try to keep a straight face. It's just too good of a noise!]

Ha! Ohhhh, you dids it! You dids it, Nathans!

[Excuse him, he needs to crack up about it for a second.]

( it’s not clear what’s got nathan in such a good mood. it might be the fact that he feels like something’s been lifted off his chest, or the way he’s feeling in accepted even at his lamest, gayest form. but… it’s nice. this feels nice.

so he hugs toki close and alternates between kissing his cheek and making deep, ridiculous “wherp-wherp” sounds near his ear. )

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dethangel - 2024-11-27 23:27 (UTC) - Expand